


Lost

by AlexNow



Category: Captain America (Movies)
Genre: Like, M/M, five minutes ago, just a drabble i started a loooong time ago and finished
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-10-25
Updated: 2016-10-25
Packaged: 2018-08-24 13:36:23
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,674
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8374114
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AlexNow/pseuds/AlexNow
Summary: Steve lost Bucky, the Winter Soldier lost everything.





	

Bucky never liked leaving things as they were when it wasn’t deliberate. It’s a trait of him no one would expect, really. You’d notice his carefree smile and the way he had with words, how he placed them in such a perfect order that it helped him get away with whatever, and you’d think _man that dude is really laidback. I bet he’s the type of person to do things as they come._ Yeah, well, wrong.

Sure, he didn’t overthink things and he sort of shrugged at every problem that crossed his path but the truth is he only did it for show. He noticed things [he’d always had a quick eye] but he chose not to acknowledge them, sort of like that one time he saw Charles slipping a candy bar into his pocket at the corner store when he thought no one was looking. All in all, Bucky was, is, and never will be, stupid. He let people get away with things, that’s all.

Sometimes he goes a little overboard with this, so what? Like that one time he caught his girlfriend of the time, Susan, having a mighty great time with Thomas and pretended not to have seen, continued seeing Susan while pretending he didn’t know nor mind that she was sleeping with one of his closest friends. Bucky’s not stupid, he just likes to avoid conflict and wear his stupid smile everywhere. It’s all in the name is _science,_ you see. _Science._

“Science, you say? _Science?!_ ” Steve nearly screeches, and he buries his small hands into his hair in utter desperation with a look in his eye that says he believes Bucky is a lost cause.

“Yeah,” The latter replies, and he waves his beer bottle around, “You know, that one thing that helped with the discovery of Pluto and that Howard Stark has gone all bonkers for.”

Steve exhales and his eyebrows are drawn close as he evaluates Bucky with a look that can only be explained as sorrowful. He painstakingly pulls a chair out and throws himself on it, Bucky following his moves with a disinterested look as he takes another sip of his alcohol. A wry smile slowly appears at the edge of his mouth and his raises his hand [which still holds his drink] up, his eyes on his best friend.

“Oi, Bob. Give Steve a beer, will you?” He calls, and Steve’s eyes immediately widen before looking at the bartender at the far back of the establishment.

“No, I—”

“Are you sure he’ll be able to handle the alcohol?” Bobby laughs as if Steve never said anything, and Bucky looks over his shoulder to grin at him.

“I’m sure he’ll manage. He once drank two beers in a single day, you know.”

“Yeah, and then upchucked all over his date!”

Both men laugh and Bucky reduces his laughter to chuckles as he lifts the neck of his beer to his lips, planning on chugging the rest of it down when he suddenly is met with Steve’s glare, who completely ignores when Bobby sets a beer in front of him with a slight lark. Bucky rolls his eyes.

“Oh, come on. Don’t snap your cap, Steve. It was just a joke.” He says. Steve presses his lips together and hesitantly sniffs at his beer before pushing it away with a grimace. Bucky adds, “What, you still stuck on Elaine?”

Steve shakes his head, “You know I hate it when bring them up.”

“What, your failed dates?”

Steve gives him a flat look.

Bucky backtracks once he notices how genuinely upset Steve is over the matter and he leans over the table to give him a pat on the shoulder, soft attempt of a smile on his features as he sets his empty bottle on the table next to Steve’s full one. With a shrug he says, “So? It’s them who didn’t see how great you are. Wasn’t your loss so what’s there to be upset about?” He swiftly grabs Steve’s bottle and drinks from it. Steve opens his mouth, seeming to want to add to that thought but he quickly shakes his head.

“No, this conversation isn’t about me. It’s about _you._ ” He finally says, and fixes Bucky with a look. With one of _those_ looks. Bucky raises an eyebrow.

“About me?”

“Why!” Steve suddenly bursts out, and he immediately resembles the same Steve as a few moments ago when he seemed seconds away from ripping his hair out, “ _Why_ aren’t you upset over Susan! She’s—she’s a sharecropper!” Bucky’s amused grin never falters.

“Well, that isn’t a nice way to talk about a girl.” Steve turns a light pink color as Bucky obviously finds enjoyment in this conversation.

“You should be at least a bit upset over this.”

Bucky sighs, “Listen, wise guy, as much as I know dumb Dora is having a swell time with Thomas I also know confronting this won’t do much other than end in fists and Susan trying to blame it on others and for a matter of fact, I quite like Thomas so it’d be a shame to have him lose a couple teeth just because I’ve flipped my wig. So let’s just drop it, alright?”

Steve’s still giving him that look, only with a mixture of disappointment and trouble in it as well as he leans back in his seat, clearly unsatisfied with his answer like he can’t believe Bucky is still following his golden rule of ‘what doesn’t hurt others doesn’t hurt you’ because the fact that Bucky doesn’t get angry for _himself_ once in a while rather than just for others is ridiculous. If Steve had been the one cheated on by his girlfriend [if he ever had one] Bucky surely would have not hesitated for a second before going after the man and beaten him before leaving him in a dark alleyway to be found the next morning, in a puddle of blood. As for the girl, while Bucky wouldn’t have laid a finger on her, badmouthing her to every person he knows [which is practically the whole town and the next couple towns in their entirety] until she earned the worst reputation plausible would have done it for him.

“Are you at least going to end things with her?” Steve asks.

“Nah, she can still be some sort of entertainment to me.”

Anyway, this has never been Bucky. People know him as this person. They see the embodiment of an unconcerned human and the personification of a tolerant person. _Oh, Bucky is Bucky_ they’d say. _That’s just how James is, such a nonchalant kid_ the town talked, j _ust don’t talk crap about that friend of his, the small one with the blonde hair and blue eyes, and you’ll easily get on his good side._ Bucky is known for sleeping around and the casual way he walks the streets, is well-respected and this respect only expanded once he enlists to help in the war.

Steve worries too much, Bucky knows, so he has to take his acting skills up a notch in order to continue this scheme. How would Steve react if he knew that every day he hates himself a bit more? If he found out the girls hanging off his arm were all put there to distract him from the death that surrounded him everywhere he went? How would Steve respond if he knew that the day he found Susan with Thomas he walked straight back home and angrily tore his place apart? Surely Steve wouldn’t react very nicely if he somehow figured out Bucky enlisted to war because he thinks his existence isn’t worth for anything but that. Then again, the thing is, because Steve can read him like an open book, Bucky thinks he already knows.

 

°

 

“Bucky? Buck, are you alright?” The voice is gentle, as if afraid to startle him and it slowly nears, “I’ve been looking everywhere for you.”

Bucky lets out a sardonic laugh and he looks up to stare at the man wearing the red, white and blue suit through his stringy black hair. His mouth twists in a cutting way, his muscles moving in an unfamiliar way towards a smile. He thinks his smile must look like the typical one villains usually give the superheroes. Good. In front of him, Captain America flinches back, as if the sound were unexpected.

“Yeah, well, you found me, Cap.” Bucky says, and he twists his palms towards the ceiling to match the sarcasm of his words, emphasizing on how his arms are strapped with impenetrable steel as his legs, and he gives Steve Rogers a raise of an eyebrow.

“I didn’t expect to be kidnapped and put in a glass cell in the middle of a room, though,” Bucky says, “Not much of a heartwarming reunion.” Steve at least has the decency of seeming apologetic as he moves his shield to hand behind him, no longer defensive.

“I’m sorry, Bucky, but they wouldn’t let me talk to you any other way.”

Bucky snorts and raises his head to look at Steve dead in the eye, “Right. Can’t have the Winter Soldier sitting at a coffee table with handcuffs on, right? He might kill someone else,” He catches eye of the man behind Steve, “Is that Howard Stark’s son?”

Tony Stark raises an arm, “Howdy.” Bucky nods at him.

“Your father and I used to go out drinking together.” He tells him.

Steve shakes his head and takes another step forward before Tony could reply. Rude. He was having a conversation with the kid.

“Bucky, do you remember anything?” He asks. Bucky doesn’t reply.

“Bucky?” He repeats.

Out of nowhere a mordant snarl takes place on his features and replaces his expression of just a few seconds ago. He pulls on the metal straps and breathes out through his nose harshly in fury once he realizes he can’t escape. Soon enough he’s violently trying to break loose and Steve can only watch in panic.

“Bucky!” He yells and he inches closer, “Buck!”

“Who—” The former snarls, “The _fuck_ —” He pulls at his left arm and lets out a desperate yell, “ _Is_ _Bucky_.”

Behind him Tony is already calling for reinforcements to _calm the prisoner down he’s acting as if we’re threatening to cut off his lady parts for fuck’s sake_ and waving for people to introduce the drugs necessary to make sure he stays conscious yet acts, well, dazed _._ Meanwhile Steve stands in place, his body limb except for his legs that keep him standing. His shoulders are slumped together and his eyes are wide and glistening in a way that would remind anyone of that one boy from Brooklyn, innocence and naivety shining through his features that would make his best friend, Bucky Barnes, laugh at before ruffling his hair.

In the meantime said best friend violently tries to bite and hurt everyone who gets near him, screaming out in what seems to be Russian. When the Winter Soldier connects gaze with Captain America, all he does is growl.

 

°

 

_It seems he was submitted to brutal reprogramming after the war_

_Soviet soldier_

_Ruthless_

_Unstable_

_Has to be stopped_

_Assassin_

_It was HYDRA_

_Winter Soldier_

It was true that James Buchanan Barnes was well liked by the townsfolk, if not recognized as a ladies’ man by more than a few, but that’s not so say there weren’t people who strived to make Bucky’s life a living hell. Through all the time that Steve stuck by Bucky’s side he’s heard some pretty nasty rumors about his best friend, and felt useless as he did nothing but curl his fists at them and scowl as he felt Bucky laugh by his side and tell him, “Cut it out, Steve. If you keep making that face you’ll make the girls think you’ve got constipation issues.” And it was so unfair because Bucky would just stand there and take it like it were nothing, would find it ridiculous when Steve suggested confronting those who started the rumors in the first place.

“And do what? Angrily stomp our feet at them?” He’d say.

Next to this, none of those rumors matter anymore, because the rumor that none other than Bucky Barnes is a serial killer is the worst one yet. He can see it in their eyes, all of them. _Pity._ Pity that his best friend turned out to be a psycho murderer and Steve turns away, runs a hand through his hair.

“It’s not your fault.” Natasha is the first to talk aloud. Steve grimaces but holds back from what he really wants to say since he knows she means well. Instead he leans over the table and sets his elbows on it, buries his hands in his hair once more and laughs.

“I doubt that’s the truth.”

Natasha seems troubled with what to say next, which no one is really surprised about. She hardly tries to comfort anyone ever, but at least she’s trying. Steve wishes he could bring himself to feel grateful, but all he can do is grimace at the wall and hope she leaves the subject drop.

“Steve,” She starts, and she lifts her hand only to leave it hovering over his shoulder and draw it back again, “You couldn’t have saved him.”

“Are you saying I couldn’t have done anything as Bucky hung for his life feet away from me at the train?” He dares ask, and his gaze is unwavering on Natasha’s gaze. Her eyes look sorry.

“Alright!’ Someone finally exclaims, and Steve feels himself being pulled away as he refuses to look away from the redhead, challenging her to disagree, “Obviously we’ve all skipped out naps so how about we all have a nice sleepover here next to Bruce’s lovely collection of hazardous equipment.” Steve looks at Tony, not appreciating the interruption. In Ironman’s defense, he doesn’t seem to care. Bruce gives the Captain a condemning stare. Steve looks away.

“Nap?” Thor asks.

“Yes, it’s when you shut up for a short period of time and don’t ask any questions. Who’s up for it!” Tony claps his hands and raises them in the air, as if expecting everyone to exclaim enthusiastically and agree. He pauses in his movements and then sighs, faltering, “Right.”

“Bucky—” Steve starts.

“Bucky’s safe in the hands of SHIELD, Cap. You shouldn’t worry too much.” Clint sighs and shakes his head, “I know you’re pretty old already but you shouldn’t get any gray hairs so early.” He then leaves the room and Natasha hesitantly follows him, but not before shooting the crew a long look.

Two hours later the place is in chaos. “The Winter Soldier has escaped!” They yell, “I repeat, _The Winter Soldier has escaped!_ ”

 

°

 

The next time Steve sees Bucky it’s at his apartment at the outskirts of Manhattan. He wasn’t doing anything, really. Just standing there while looking at the pictures Steve had in frames, the ones he had managed to regain from the museum with the Captain America exposition. He had only one of Bucky, America’s hero’s best friend. It was funny how in the photo he stood beside Steve with a wide smile on his clean-cut face, and before him stands Bucky with stubble and an almost angry expression.

Before Steve could say anything Bucky is snarling out, “Why didn’t you help me?” Steve doesn’t have answer, and he’s left grasping reality, one that is not even existent anymore. Irony has always been his strong suit. He doesn’t move for a moment, trying to think about what to say and decides on saying nothing. Bucky’s gone. There’s nothing he _can_ voice out without making things worse for both him and his old childhood friend.

“I’m sorry.” He replies. It’s too late. All that’s left is to accept the authenticity of the events that followed that fatal night. Steve’s _lost,_ and death did as well. Bucky is the creation of someone caught in between their war. The Winter Soldier turns away and doesn’t react. He walks away.


End file.
